Like a Mother by Mina Hardy

Author:Mina Hardy [Hardy, Mina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER

21

THE DAYS PASSED faster than Sarah had expected them to. They’d only been here a little over two weeks but had fallen into a pattern—hours of play with Ellie or reading books from the selection of pulpy paperbacks lining the family room shelves. Around five, they’d eat the dinner Honor made, and the housekeeper would disappear to work on her crafts. Sarah would put Ellie to bed and be fought every second, or Candace would would do it and Ellie would go right to sleep in her “pwincess bed,” no arguing or begging for another drink, another book. Sarah and Candace would watch a movie from a selection of literally a thousand or more DVDs, and Sarah would take herself to bed.

Today was Friday, tonight the start of Shabbat. Sarah had considered asking Candace for two candles, a glass of wine, and some bread so she could say the prayers. But then what? She’d be saying the blessings over unkosher food, the only person observing. Ellie wouldn’t know any different. Adam would have been disappointed in her, but Adam wasn’t here. If he had been, maybe she’d have lit the candles and he’d have laid his hands on Ellie’s head to bless her for the week; maybe he’d have said the blessings over the wine and bread and shown his mother he was not living a life far away from faith.

Instead, Honor had served a platter of pork chops. Candace had scolded her vigorously, apologizing to Sarah, but there’d been something off about her apologies. It was like she was watching to see if Sarah might change her mind. Make an exception. If it was a test of her convictions, Sarah had passed, declining the meat gracefully and serving up the mashed potatoes, corn, and salad for her and Ellie without complaint. She might not be as observant as she and Adam had been together, but she was doing the best she could.

Now she was in bed, having a hard time settling in. This bed was harder than the one she’d sold, the pillows flatter. The creaks and noises of this house had not yet become familiar enough to soothe her to sleep instead of keeping her awake, staring at the ceiling, wishing she could count enough sheep to drift into dreams.

Sometimes she still missed her connection to the outside world—an hour of scrolling through stupid thirty-second videos had never done much for her intellect, but she’d always been entertained. Slowly, though, Sarah had begun to appreciate being off the grid. It wasn’t going to last forever, just like this pregnancy. She found herself sinking into her gestation, her days and nights moving along but also feeling as though they stood still. In some ways, she’d never felt so centered, as though the life inside her had fully fastened her to reality.

All of their worldly possessions now resided in the storage shed in the backyard. She hadn’t yet had the emotional strength to deal with checking any of the boxes, but she’d have to get to it soon, before she got too big and the days got too hot.

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